Brian Scalabrine Returns to Boston

Celtics fans may not get to see THIS again, but Brian Scalabrine’s retirement and migration to CSN means the return of a player whose popularity defies both his own talent and logic in general. (basketbawful.blogspot.com)

Bust out the “Hope” signs. Dust off those ironic posters you used to bring with you to the TD Garden. Heck, gas up the duck boats while you’re at it.

Brian Scalabrine is coming back to Boston… sort of.

Fans hoping to see basketball’s version of the red-headed stepchild once again jogging eagerly up and down the court in a green jersey for 13 minutes or so every night are in for some disappointment: according to multiple sources, Scal’s retiring and joining the CSN broadcast team.

The decision makes complete sense. As a player, Scalabrine’s playing time dropped over eight minutes per game when he left Boston for Chicago. Averaging under five minutes a game, Scalabrine’s numbers dropped below even one basket, rebound and assist per game.

Basically, that means Scalabrine played a little defense for the Bulls every game, and that’s all. And already 34, Scalabrine knew that numbers like that wouldn’t get him anywhere near the $3.4 million salary (seriously?) he earned with the Celtics for the 2009-10 season, or even the $1.3 million (again, seriously?) he took home with the Bulls last season.

Between diminished salary prospects and the demands of an again-81-game season, Scalabrine decided to hang up the sneakers for good. Taking the route of so many ex-athletes, Scalabrine took his talents to the broadcast booth, and what better place to do it than Boston?

Few cities know and honor the totality of their sports history the way Boston does. We don’t just know the greats, we know everybody. And because of that, second- or third-tier athletes who’ve played for Boston can always come back home.

Scalabrine isn’t the first non-star to become a Boston broadcaster or analyst. Ex-Red Sox David McCarty’s gig with NESN has extended his longevity long past what a player as inconsequential as he rightfully deserves. The same could be said of ex-Celtic Dana Barros, though at least Barros’ outreach work and youth camps gives him a little more street cred.

Scal shares the same place in Celtics lore as Barros, and McCarty holds a parallel spot in the annals of Fenway. That place, for lack of a more nuanced description, is at the bottom. Arguing that Scalabrine meant little more to the Celtics than as a bench-warmer would be ludicrous.

But who cares? It’s Scal! If CSN can keep him around the only fan base that ever loved him, why shouldn’t he come back?

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Celtics Sign Sasha Pavlovic to Apparently Second Season

Signing a one-year deal Monday, Sasha Pavlovic will be playing what's apparently his second year with the Celtics. (Photo by Keith Allison)

In a move sure to please anyone named Sasha Pavlovic, the Celtics re-signed Sasha Pavlovic to a one-year deal Monday. The move is undoubtedly a thing come true for Celtics fans, who best remember Pavlovic as the guy Ray Allen made cry during the 2008 NBA Finals.

Wait, that was Sasha Vujacic? Then who the hell did the Celtics sign?

For those unfamiliar with Pavlovic… join the club. The Celtics signed Pavlovic back in March after he finished his third 10-day contract of the 2010-11 season, this one with the Hornets. Apparently, no one wanted him for longer than that.

Pavlovic averaged 8.8 valueless minutes in 17 games for the Celtics, kicking in a completely forgettable 1.8 points and 0.9 rebounds. If math isn’t your thing, remember: that’s fewer than one basket and board per game.

An NBA player since 2003 – when he was somehow drafted 19th overall – Pavlovic has never won anything or been named anything important. When GMs talk about Pavlovic, they most commonly mention that he played on the 2006-07 Eastern Conference-champion Cleveland Cavaliers. Basically, the best thing about Pavlovic is LeBron James.

Pavlovic is so nondescript that he couldn’t even distinguish himself in the YUBA League, the not-so-uber-competitive professional basketball league of Bulgaria.

He did play for KK Budućnost Podgorica during their YUBA League-championship 2000-01 season, somehow averaging even fewer points than he averaged for the Celtics.

Apparently a small forward, Pavlovic is sixth on the depth chart behind Paul Pierce, Jeff Green, rookie JaJuan Johnson, Lucky the Leprachaun and David Cohen, Celtics Account Executive.

Still, Pavlovic’s signing is great for GM Danny Ainge. Instead of having to actually work towards improving the roster by signing a player with talent, Ainge can instead just offer a contract to Pavlovic, who would probably accept Upper Deck basketball cards with his name on them as payment.

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