Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam!

Real Spam flavors include "Spam Garlic" and "Spam with Cheese." Goose's Gabs spam styles include "Gramatically Incorrect Spam" and "Kamagra Sales Spam."

For some reason, I’ve been getting a lot more spam comments on Goose’s Gabs posts recently. Not sure why, but once a spammer gets a comment approved, s/he tends to spam dozens of old posts all at once, leaving me the thankless task of going back and deleting them all.

To avoid that hassle, every few days I diligently purge every piece of spam awaiting approval. While doing this I noticed most of the spam fall into one of several categories. And here they are:

Gramatically Incorrect Spam

Whoever writes these messages really, really doesn’t know English. Whether it’s incorrectly chosen nouns, improperly conjugated verbs or out-of-place conjunctions, these comments make absolutely no sense. I read them and think, “WTF?”

Example posted Monday: “I loved up to you will obtain performed right here. The caricature is tasteful, your authored material stylish. nonetheless, you command get got an edginess over that you wish be turning in the following. ill certainly come further in the past once more as exactly the same just about very continuously within case you protect this increase.”

Generic Complement Spam

I also get a lot of spammers that try to get approved by complimenting my site. But usually the comment is so generic that it could be applied to any site. I appreciate the comment, anonymous spammer, but if you want to get on my site, you need to say something other than you “liked the subject matter.” Adding an equally generic question at the end won’t fool me, either.

Example posted Sunday: “Howdy! This is my first comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out and tell you I really enjoy reading through your posts. Can you recommend any other blogs/websites/forums that go over the same topics? Thanks!”

Referral Spam

Apparently, many spammers have been referred to Goose’s Gabs by relatives who read my site much more frequently. If that’s the case, I’d much rather talk to relatives because a) they’ve been reading my site longer, and b) they know my site well enough to know their cousins would also like it. Instead, I’m left with the jerks who read one post, leave one comment and scram.

Example posted Saturday: “My brother recommended I would possibly like this website. He used to be totally right. This submit truly made my day. You cann’t believe simply how so much time I had spent for this info! Thank you!”

An alternative form is search engine referral spam. Now there isn’t even an anonymous cousin who likes my writing – it just came up by chance. This is definitely the meaner form of the two.

Example posted Sunday: “Hello There. I found your blog the usage of msn. That is a very well written article. I will make sure to bookmark it and return to learn extra of your helpful information. Thanks for the post. I’ll certainly return.”

Both of these forms are sometimes followed by promises to subscribe to my feed and/or refer my site to others. Given how much spam I get, it’s possible they’re actually following through on this.

Kamagra Sales Spam

I had to look this up, but Kamagra is another name for Viagra. Many spammers seem to believe that either I or my readers have trouble getting it up. This offends me greatly: I may have zero luck with women, but my virility has nothing to do with it, thank you very much! I’m so mad, I’m not even including an example.

Foreign Language Spam

I sometimes get comments in other languages, especially Russian. I have no idea what any of these comments say, so of course I can’t accept them.

Example posted Friday: “Каждому Привет! Заходите на e2epro.com и читайте интересные статьи.”

I ran this through Google Translate, and it turns out it means: “Everyone Welcome! Come on e2epro.com and read interesting articles.” So basically this is super generic, classic-style spam, just written in Cyrillic.

An alternate form of this is absolute gibberish spam.

Example posted Thursday: “rY2JzN wjhecmtimziy, [url=http://dinjdahyrbmu.com/]dinjdahyrbmu[/url], [link=http://nwprioghxyow.com/]nwprioghxyow[/link], http://cpwfrlegpiny.com/”

Complete Whacko Spam

And every once in awhile, someone combines many of these types of spam into a totally insane comment that’s longer than the post itself. For your consideration, here’s 2,600 words of crazy, posted Jan. 30

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